[ALBSA-Info] some (very funny) philosophy comics and jokes

[Xhuliana Agolli]

Note to Albsa members: I'm aware these are not necessarily appropriate things to post on this list service, but I think these are very funny (and intelligent) jokes I compiled from some online philosophy sources, and am confident they will be enjoyed even if some slight philosphical background may be needed in certain cases.
xha
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Philosophize and cut Bait

"Y'know, I alawys wondered what folks do with
one of their degress..."

Living next door to a philosopher

  A future epistemologist

  Philosophy Dept.

  Louie notes an ambiguity of 'good'


  Affirmative Action

  (this one is absolutely hilarious) The mind-body problem

  Leroy ponders induction in the morning

  Ambiguity:Nothing is better than Loretta's pie

  False Cause: post hoc ergo propter hoc

  "Sometimes, if you stare at 
  back door hard enough, 
  your supper comes out early.."
  -----------------------------------------------------------------------
  A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics. 

  Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?" 

  "That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do." 

  ---------------------------



  --------------------------

  If metaphysics is being qua being;
  and if epistomology is knowing qua knowing;
  then metaphilosophy must be... qua qua qua.

  ---------------------------

  What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
  About 50,000 a year.

  -------------

  How philosophers do it... 

   Philosophers do it deeper.
  Philosophers do it a posteriori.
  Philosophers do it conceptually.
  Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
  Philosophers do it with their minds.
  Philosophers think about doing it.
  Philosophers wonder why they did it.
  ---------------------------------------------------------

    Dear Doctor Rude, 

    I think I understand what a "platonic kiss" is, but could you explain to me the difference between the following kisses? 

      1.. Aristotelian kiss 
      2.. Hegelian kiss 
      3.. Wittgensteinian kiss 
      4.. Godelian kiss 
    Signed, 
    Flummoxed in Florida 

  Dear Flummoxed, 

  That's a very good question; nowadays most sex education courses focus on secondary and tertiary sources, so much so that few people really get exposed to the classics in this field any more. I'll try to make a brief but clear summary of some of these important types of kisses: 

    Aristotelian kiss 
    a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway. 
    Hegelian kiss 
    dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss, forming a synthekiss. 
    Wittgensteinian kiss 
    the important thing about this type of kiss is that it refers only to the symbol (our internal mental representation we associate with the experience of the kiss--which must necessarilly also be differentiated from the act itself for obvious reasons and which need not be by any means the same or even similar for the different people experiencing the act) rather than the act itself and, as such, one must be careful not to make unwarranted generalizations about the act itself or the experience thereof based merely on our manipulation of the symbology therefor. 
    Godelian kiss 
    a kiss that takes an extraordinarilly long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not. 
    This is by no means an exhaustive list--here are some more of the classic kisses: 
  Socratic kiss 

    really a Platonic kiss, but it's claimed to be the Socratic technique so it'll sound more authoritative; however, compared to most strictly Platonic kisses, Socratic kisses wander around a lot more and cover more ground. 
    Kantian kiss 
    a kiss that, eschewing inferior "phenomenal" contact, is performed entirely on the superior "noumenal" plane; though you don't actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare it the best kiss you've ever given or received. 
    Kafkaesque kiss 
    a kiss that starts out feeling like it's about to transform you but ends up just bugging you. 
    Sartrean kiss 
    a kiss that you worry yourself to death about even though it really doesn't matter anyway. 
    Russell-Whiteheadian kiss 
    a formal kiss in which each lip and tongue movement is rigorously and completely defined, even though it ends up seeming incomplete somehow. 
    Hertzsprung-Russellian kiss 
    Oh, Be A Fine Girl/Guy, Kiss Me. 
    Pythagorean kiss 
    a kiss given by someone who has developed some new and wonderful techniques but refuses to use them on anyone for fear that others would find out about them and copy them. 
    Cartesian kiss 
    a particularly well-planned and coordinated movement: "I think, therefore, I aim." In general, a kiss does not count as Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt that one has been kissed. (cf. Polar kiss, a more well-rounded movement involving greater nose-to-nose contact, but colder overall.) 
    Heisenbergian kiss 
    a hard-to-define kiss--the more it moves you, the less sure you are of where the kiss was; the more energy it has, the more trouble you have figuring out how long it lasted. Extreme versions of this type of kiss are known as "virtual kisses" because the level of uncertainty is so high that you're not quite sure if you were kissed or not. Virtual kisses have the advantage, however, that you need not have anyone else in the room with you to enjoy them. 
    Nietzscheian kiss 
    "she/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust stronger." 
    Epimenidian kiss 
    a kiss given by someone who does not kiss. 
    Grouchoic kiss 
    a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her. 
    Harpoic kiss 
    shut up and kiss me. 
    Zenoian kiss 
    your lips approach, closer and closer, but never actually touch. 
    Procrustean kiss 
    suffice it to say that it is a technique that, once you've experienced it, you'll never forget it, especially when applied to areas of the anatomy other than the lips. 
    - Doctor Rude 



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