[ALBSA-Info] London Free Press

[Agron Alibali]

London Free Press 
December 13, 2001 Thursday, Final Edition 
Opinion Pages; Pg. A6; Vox Pop 

TEEN IMMIGRANTS GRAPPLE WITH DEFINING THEIR IDENTITY 

OLTA DANI, FREELANCE WRITER 


Is it possible for me to combine the world I left with the one in which I am living now in terms of views and expectations? 

I don't know, but I hope I will one of these days. 

When I first came to Canada, I was 19 years old and, by teen standards here, I soon should have been a person working at a part-time job, having a group of friends with whom to hang out, possibly a boyfriend and going out to clubs every weekend. However, I was someone who had just stepped onto what seemed like another planet, knowing nothing about it except what I had seen in movies and having no idea how difficult it would be to meet everyone's expectations. 

Now I am 21 years old and things haven't changed much. How could they, when I still haven't found a way to reconcile the expectations of my parents and family with those of my few friends, while reflecting some of mine? 

It seems neither my family nor friends are able to take the first step toward the other, so I am caught in the middle, trying to make both sides happy, while attempting to make myself happy. In doing so, however, I fear I have lost something, a part of my identity. 

It was so easy when I was in my home country, Albania, where most of my friends had the same expectations as I did to fulfil and we had so much in common with each other. 

Teens, or even young people who are immigrants, have a hard time living a "normal" life. Sometimes I think we live two different lives -- one that includes our parents and family members and the other the one we experience with the friends we have made. 

This may sound crazy or even hypocritical, but at the end of the day we have found out that it is very difficult for some of us not to be caught in the middle. 

In the past two years, I have struggled to make the two worlds meet, but every attempt has turned into a lie to my parents or having to see fragile friendships cut off. It is nearly impossible to maintain friendships without going to parties or out on weekends or trying to date when there are so few excuses for going out in the evening without raising suspicions. 

And even on those "happy-as-can-be" occasions, when I got the chance to go out to clubs or on a date, there was always a voice in the back of my head reminding me that what I was experiencing wouldn't last without a lie. That voice was the one I had taken with me since my childhood, which now battles with the one of the person I am trying to become. 

>From the many discussions between me and other immigrant teens and twentysomethings, it seems one of the most common things we have is the battle between who we were brought up to be and the people that we are trying to become since we came to the "new world." 

NOTES: 
Vox Pop provides readers with an opportunity to comment on topical subjects. Olta Dani is a London resident. 



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